The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

On Thursday, we got up early and headed around the island with Kriss and Jo. The day was fantastic, even if it was topped off by a tsunami threat, but I'll get there soon enough. We started out on the bus and stopped first at the Dole plantation, which was brief because it's basically a tourist thing, but I took a picture of the Pineapple Express train schedule for Sami and got some cinnamon coated macadamia nuts which were to die for (and worth it). From there it was back on the bus to Hale'iwa, which is a north shore artsy town that is pretty cute and just what I wanted Hawaii to be, actually - little bungalow houses and people walking round with surfboards; eclectic art and rain puddles. We had a picnic snack under a huge tree and got back on the bus to scope out some famous North Shore waves and found them. I am amazed at how close the roads are to these huge surf beaches. We literally got off the bus, walked across the street and were standing on volcanic rock looking at 12 foot waves crashing into the shore. Truly spectacular. Oh, and tons of little geckos everywhere - they are adorable and since they eat bugs I don't like, I adore them even more.

Then it was back to the bus once more for more adventure. We stopped at Turtle Bay resort, which is breathtakingly gorgeous and had Mai Tai's at the shore. From there, it was on to the Shrimp Truck - Giovanni's - which sits on the side of the road and serves fresh shrimp drowned in garlic and olive oil. It was so good I could have eaten it all day long (but an hour or two afterward, was glad I didn't; holy breath, Batman). It rained off and on throughout the day which made the weather really pleasant and it was a long ride back home. Exhausted but still feeling adventurous, we got two single-serve bottles of champagne, some cheese and Wheat Thins, and proceeded to sit out on the rocks at the beach. We're all class, the two of us. We missed the sunset but it was still really nice to sit and watch the water - after dark, I think the waves breaking look like white ghost dragons chasing each other across the water, and if you imagine this while you're looking at them, it seems like it might be magical.

I SWEAR this next part is true. While finishing our champagne, I made some comment about what would happen if the water suddenly became perfectly still, and Jamison said, "we'd run because it would mean a tsunami is coming." We made a few more jokes about rogue waves and such, but when we came back to the hotel, it was pandemonium - the residents here were all freaking out about a tsunami warning and I was starting to imagine again that I was thinking things into being because it was too weird to have just been joking and have the warning come. Then, when we were not at all worried about it, it started to become a reality. The hotel was handing out flashlights and bottles of water, telling people to stay off of phones and get cash, and to generally charge up phones and computers and things like that. I still wasn't scared necessarily because we are on the fourth floor, reasonably distant from the shore, and in an old, rock-solid cement building. But I did mobilize. I left messages for people at home, packed up our room in case we had to bail out for Jo and Kriss's 16th floor, and filled up the water bottles we had. It wasn't panic; I didn't even feel anxious about it (which is so completely unlike me - to be utterly calm inside and out). I was so not panicked, in fact, that I went right to dreamless sleep by the time it was all supposed to go down. Even when I thought we'd see water coming down the street, I opted for sleep. I think the vacation is doing my blood pressure some real good!

At any rate, by the time I got up in the morning on Friday it was all over and nothing much had changed. The weather was gorgeous and cool, and even though it was sedate around town, it seemed as though nothing had happened. The night before, there were people crying in the hotel lobby and leaving for other hotels with taller buildings, etc. The next day, it was all a memory. Of course, the tee shirt shops all had "I survived the Hawaii tsunami" shirts up by 10 a.m. (gah - capitalism at its ugliest) and I couldn't help but giggle as there was nothing at all to survive.

So I'm feeling better now. After a short rest and talking to Sami (whom I miss terribly), we walked back to the store to procure an actual, working umbrella and some wine for dinner at Kriss and Jo's place. It was kind of nice to have some "real" food of simple chicken, sourdough bread, fresh pineapple and a dinner salad. I like eating out, but when one does it for too many meals, it tends to wear on you in several ways, not the least of which is in the pocketbook. It was nice to have "home food" for a night and my stomach is quite thankful.

We stayed for a bit and I taught Jo how to use Facebook (Have I created a monster? Quite likely, ha ha.) Jo laughed that pretty much as soon as the three of us left for the hike today, she located exactly three rain ponchos in their condo that she didn't know she had. Hilarious. But it turns out we'll need them tomorrow, and my new umbrella because it's supposed to rain all day (which I actually don't mind when I have rain gear). We're leaving early in the morning to go round the island, which I'm quite excited about. First we're going up the west side to the Dole plantation (which rocks because I could eat my weight in pineapple), and then onto the North Shore towns, where the waves are supposed to be between 15 and 20 feet high tomorrow. Pretty excited about that, and about the famous garlic shrimp one is supposed to be able to procure there. The other thing I can eat my weight in is fresh shrimp. Yum. In general, I'm excited to get out of Honolulu/Waikiki, which is nice, but feels a lot like every other urban locale. I got a taste of rural Oahu today, and I definitely want more of that.

Incidentally, Jamison is still irked about the lighthouse deal, but I told him earlier that I feel certain any jury would side with me on the walking in the rain without protected/plastic-wrapped expensive electronic items issue.

When we were walking home from the condo, however, a young Chinese woman stopped us on the sidewalk with her check-in from her hotel in hand, asking us how to get there. She was clearly lost and seemed scared - scared enough to entrust herself to total strangers - and she spoke so little English that she could scarcely ask us for help. Luckily, she had a phone number for the hotel, so I called it, got directions, and we walked her there. She was incredibly thankful and from what I gathered, only staying here for a day or so. I have no idea how she got so far from where she was supposed to be, but I'm glad we could do a good deed. I'm thinking my "mom" vibes cross cultural boundaries now too.

I don't know what's up with Blogger, but I had posted a video here and it has simply gone away. Alas. I'll put it up on Facebook, which seems infinitely more reliable in this regard. I'm tired at the moment, which is nearly 4:00 in Hawaii time, and it's been a bit of an off day.

Last night was spectacular, however; we went to have dinner with Kriss and Jo and happened to be at the beach at sunset, which was beautiful (as if that word alone could cover it...). Then we ate dinner at - wait for it - Jimmy Buffet's restaurant. Those of who know me well are aware of the fact that I hold this man (Monsieur Buffet, that is) singlehandedly responsible for some of the worst music of the 20th century and so I was not exactly thrilled at the idea of patronizing his establishment. HOWEVER, I must now admit that even though the musical selections of said establishment were nauseating, the food was, in a word, amazing. I had macadamia nut-crusted mahi mahi with a coconut butter and steamed veggies and it was delicious.

{Sidebar: I know I do this a lot here, but I've got to sit in the lobby to write online, and there's always stuff happening round me. I just saw a kid walk by and stick his head into the hotel and I was certain for a moment it was a student looking for me. He looks just like one of my little pilgrims and I almost waved and asked what he needed. See? Tired.}

We walked back through the International Market after supper and it was fun again. I love tacky tourist shopping, but I think I'm alone in this crew. I could spend all day looking at Asian junk at the price of 10 for $20 (it doesn't matter what it is, really). Need to go back there soon. Still corners I have not explored...

Today we slept in and it was raining hard for the better part of the night. I wanted to hike to Makapu'u Lighthouse, which is a short hike basically up the side of a hill overlooking the ocean on the easternmost point of Oahu. It is not easy to get to by bus and we ended up first way beyond it, meaning to walk there, but turns out it was too dangerous to walk along that highway. Stellar views from here, though (see pics). We went back to the bus stop, got back on the bus, and went to the stop that was beyond the trail head the other way. It was an easier walk, but farther. I would guess from eyeballing it that we were about two miles from the trail. It wasn't a bad walk, but it did start raining as we got toward it. This made me nervous because we were not prepared for rain; I had only a broken, leaky umbrella and I was genuinely worried about getting my phone and camera wet (my bag was just made of cotton). Furthermore, we were so far from transportation that if it started pouring in earnest, we could be really screwed. But we kept walking anyway and got nearly there before it started raining hard. I have to admit that I'm often not terribly happy while hiking (though I love to do it - figure that one out), and there have been many a trip up a mountain that involved tears on my part. It's just how I'm wired. Then with wind and rain AND a hike, I was less than thrilled, even in spite of the breathtaking scenery. Few things, in fact, are less pleasant than sweating, being rained on, and wearing glasses all at the same time, and this was my experience. Having wet clothes is something that also bothers me tremendously, and it made Jamison quite cross with me. Alas. He thinks I have "no sense of adventure," and perhaps I don't, but by the time we got nearly there, I had simply had it. For me, adventure is only fun if it doesn't suck. And this one sucked hard.

I said I was done and started back down the hill. If it meant losing the camera and my phone and being soaked to the core for the rest of the day, I was willing to scrap it. At least we got a great workout in, and saw some beautiful scenery. It was a crowded and quiet ride home on the bus, and Kriss departed for his home a few stops before ours. We hadn't yet had lunch either, so went to the local grocery store to get stuff for the kitchen and decided to have the all-you-can-eat sushi buffet next door, and we had a coupon. The whole place is decorated with Hello Kitty, which I found both amusing and a bit annoying. The food was only okay and now, a couple of hours later, has made me feel less than good in the digestive arena. I think I'll have a piece of fruit for dinner. Ugh.

And it would seem that it is not just possible, but LIKELY that you can get sunburned even in the rain around here. Either that, or my arms are starting to turn to lobster claws. Both seem rather unlikely to me.

How could I forget?

The most important part of the bus trip. The voice of TheBus ("stop requested" and so forth) sounds exactly like Mr. Sulu from Star Trek. Awesome sauce.

Go sell crazy someplace else; we're all full up here

What an odd day it's been. Got up super early in order to set out for Pearl Harbor via TheBus. As an avid bus rider in many cities round the world, I have to report that Oahu's bus system is reliable but takes FOREVER to get anywhere. Too many stops and I was shocked at how long it took us to go such a short distance, really. As expected as well, this is the centralizing force of all the local wingnuts and crackheads, and there were some colorful folk aboard this morning. First up, Twitchy - with his ratty flipflops and dandruff-ridden long hair (major disgusting) could not stop moving for the entirety of his journey, which included accosting the tourists with mindless chatter. This, after the man at the bus stop with a "foreign" accent (that is, I couldn't distinguish it except that it was neither Asian nor American nor Hawaiian) asking me if my bus pass was "some kind of Canadian money" while dressed in a mismatched suit, sneakers, and carrying a child's (a girl child's, might I add) backpack. He then walked away after I told him it was a bus pass. Didn't wait for the bus, just asked his question of me and kept going.

Next - Babyhead and his Two Stupid Minions. Seriously, this Asian guy looked JUST like the guy with the baby head in Brazil, and the other man and woman with him were clearly impaired somehow, but it was not apparent in what way. Yes, it's cruel to make fun of people with obvious mental impairment (though I'm going to venture that the diminished capacity was due in large part to simple stupidity than an organic disorder), except that they proceeded to be directly in my line of vision (and subsequently my way) all day long and thus will escape neither my attention nor my ire. They, and several other freaks, accompanied us all the way to Pearl Harbor, and by the time I got off that bus, I was beginning to wonder if I had been riding the proverbial short bus. The woman who got off in front of me was wearing (no kidding) Pajama Jeans - which was totally embarrassing on several fronts, not the least of which was her lack of consulting a mirror and the stretch capacity of the elastic in the butt-crack area, and then I encountered her in the restroom a few minutes later. I had to pee something fierce, and I had to wait for her to do a series of severe-OCD hand movements in all four corners of the stall before I could have the space. She even turned herself in several circles as well and had an incantation of sorts. Totally bizarre and irritating given the state of my bladder at the time.

And this was just the FIRST hour of my day, people.

{Sidebar: there are people around here who are, simply put, WAY TOO tan. It's ridiculous - they are completely, unnaturally brown and leathery, with too-white teeth and often bleached hair (the women). It creeps me out and recalls Brazil once more. Why would someone think that having your skin look like cooked meat is attractive?}

Pearl Harbor was genuinely interesting, however. Despite the hordes of morons (and I'm not being overly critical or hateful, either, it really did seem to be bring-your-idiot day), it was a moving experience to watch the short film and see the sunken Arizona. Knowing that the people who died when it blew up and then sank are all still there is haunting, and even though the tour guides remind you that it's a place of entombment, I'm shocked at how many people do not treat it with any kind of reverence at all. In the shrine, there was a guy in there with his hat on, and I felt a strong urge to smack him hard and say "Where's your sense of respect? Do you know how many dead people lie here? Take off your damn hat, fool." But I didn't, because it IS in fact a place of reverence and the least I could do was show it. Here's something that choked me up: the sunken remains still leak drops of black oil ("black tears") that rise to the surface and dissipate. It is remarkably like tears and it seems poignant to me that after all this time, there's oil left to leak, and that speaks to me in some way. I took a video of it.

From there, we ate our packed lunch of sandwiches and Doritos with a great deal of attention from some cute little doves. And while they seemed to be begging, they wouldn't actually eat anything we dropped. Perhaps they simply wanted to be friends. We then got on the bus (this time, not the short one, thank the gods) and rode over to Ford Island to visit the Pacific Aviation Museum, which was neat and interesting (though not entirely my thing). While waiting for the bus to pick us up and take us back, I did note another group of idiots, this time two girls, an older man I assume was their father, and a baby carriage were tending to a clearly newborn infant in a stroller. I was disturbed by (1) that they were vacationing with a newborn (mostly because that sounds like way more trouble than it's worth), and (2) that the grandfather of said baby was attempting to give her red licorice to quiet her crying, rather than the standard bottle or pacifier. He seemed to find it incredibly funny. I did not.

Once we got back, I was ready to head out but Jamison had to look at the torpedos and guns and other boy-stuff first. Then, back on The Bus, which was every bit as bizarre as it was this morning. There was a guy and girl who got on, and he was - quite literally - twice her size. Not that he was that large; she was just that small, and it was such a strange picture. Then, it turns out that she's f-ing CRAZY or high or both. She stumbled around the bus, taking off her shoes, leaning on strangers, changing seats a few times, and giving her boyfriend high-fives and speaking incoherently (but remarkably loud).

{Another sidebar: I have to write this in the lobby of the hotel because that's where the wi-fi is, and the receptionist is typing on a TYPEWRITER. This hotel is really the place that time forgot...}

I feel like I should be writing more about my vacation today, but I am all about people-watching this afternoon. And this place does not disappoint in any way for that.

You are at the top of my lungs, drawn to the ones who never yawn

After an afternoon rest, we walked over to the Royal Hawaiian Hotel - which I am told is the oldest resort on Oahu. It's flamingo pink and faces Diamond Head. We sat on the patio facing the ocean and sipped Mai Tais (mine a "royal" and J-mo's a "scratch"). Very strong drink, those MTs; 'twas followed by a smooth and very coconutty Pina Colada. I was hammered. Not only was our waitress super cool and chatty, but the neighboring table was occupied by a couple who were 75 and 78 and had just done the Diamond Head climb (which I understand is not much compared to Colorado hiking, but hard enough). They were from a cruise ship from California , but the woman was originally from Colorado. We came to be talking to her because, from a diagonal table, she simply turned around, looked me in the eye, and said "we just finished Diamond Head!" I thought it peculiar but amusing, and we chatted with them for a bit.

Side note: one of the things I love about this place is how frequently European it seems to me. Despite the obvious and pervasive Asian influences here, our hotel reminds me of Europe in many ways. The hotel lobby is a truly remarkable space - there is no distinction between "outdoor" and "indoor" around here - thus one moves from a seating area that looks like an old person's living room (tons of random decor, outdated books, and a stereo from the mid-70's. Oh and a pair of skis - go figure) to a room with a large table for using the internet, complete with a pile of old books one can read, a playing piano, and a water fountain like the ones we had in the halls of grade school. That area leads to the bathtub pool, around which sit leathery bags of flesh that I'm certain were once people and will soon become handbags, in varying degrees of undress (this last part creeps me out a bit).

Anyway, after expensive but wonderful boat drinks, we took off our shoes and walked the beach, and with a rather unpredictable series of waves crashing into us, ended up far wetter than I would have liked in regular clothes. Strolled back to the hotel barefooted (because you can do that here!) and changed out of wet sandy clothes. Visited with Jo and Kriss at their place, which faces the mountains, on which sat heavy rain clouds - just gorgeous. We snacked and then walked to have dinner (tried to eat at a nice place, but wait was too long; ended up at "Cheeseburger in Paradise" - and yes, I bloody well know where that line comes from, and I wasn't happy about it, haha - which was good but took forever). Talked to Sami over text message, and then walked back. Exhausted now.

Pearl Harbor et al is tomorrow.

This is what greeted us only two short blocks from our tacky-tastic hotel this morning. Round 8 a.m. I'd live in a box to see this daily, and apparently, some of the guys we encountered on the way here agree; crossed a crackpot with no teeth and a major speech impediment who was clearly cracked-out, and his friend, the evangelist, was definitely talking to god. Or one of them at any rate.

It rains randomly here, and with the sun out. In fact, I observed this morning that it was, quite literally, raining on one side of the street and not the other.

Yesterday was long, though; the flight from Portland to San Francisco was delayed (in air) for fog and the air system was broken - so it was hot and sticky and way too close for too long. Then we had to rush to catch the Honolulu flight, and it was right back on. Guh. Thankfully, though, there were only two seats (rather than three) so at least only J-mo and I had to be crammed together for nearly six hours. And the movie was True Grit and I've been wanting to see that (liked it). by about hour 5, though, there was nothing I could do but try to talk myself out of a panic attack from being in an air-limited tube for too long. Finally got here, though, and met up with Kriss, who got us a cab and to our hotel.

We eventually walked over to the beach and put our feet in the water - so many stars, even here in the city - and stumbled back to go to bed. I slept like the dead. No air conditioning but the breeze at night is pretty nice. Our room is so small that two is a crowd, but we have a kitchen, and the place is so WWII - it's even salmon pink on the outside. Everyone staying here is ancient, and when I asked if they had Wi-Fi (fully expecting a "no") the lady at the counter with no teeth said apologetically, "we do, dear, but you have to use it in the lobby." Like that's a problem? How cute of her. I went shopping at the international outdoor market, which is super fun and full of cheap tacky crap for tourists, which for some reason makes my heart smile, no matter where I am. I think the purchase of an actual coconut purse is in my immediate future. I had a rather enjoyable haggling session with an extremely tiny Asian woman there, and I adore her - she was a tough customer, but ultimately all but gave us the stuff we wanted. I got my niece a rockin' ukelele (in pink no less, and it's tuned), and I have decided that my nephew desperately needs an "aloha" suit - which is a Hawaiian shirt with matching shorts. This must, and shall, happen.

It's strange to be in a place where the windows don't close and most of the businesses are more or less outdoors all the time. Had crepes for breakfast and some great coffee, but I think I might be getting sick. Swollen glands and a distinct lack of energy. Gonna lay low today.

Grocery store: Spam sushi (no kidding) and fish heads on special (today only). Found it amusing. Gonna go eat a sandwich now.